I am going to agree with urb_banal on this one. The story? vignette? is deserving of a better beginning. Hooks are arguably one of the most important aspects of a story. Hook being the very beginning of a story..to hook (sic) the reader into the rest of the story. Although I might suggest leaving the other paragraphs were they are and coming up with something more for the first sentence/paragraph.
As for the rest, your friendly editor has shown all I could plus more so I shall merely say good job and jump on the ROAR cart and bundle off.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
roar time
Date: 2011-05-14 08:11 pm (UTC)As for the rest, your friendly editor has shown all I could plus more so I shall merely say good job and jump on the ROAR cart and bundle off.