Accusations of Being A Nomad

[eiremauve]

Title: Accusations of Being A Nomad
Author: eiremauve
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 66
Prompt: 
A/N: If I had spent more time on this, maybe it would be better! And more complex. >_< Next time, I swear I won't wait until the last minute.

You say that I am a nomad,
and should change.
But yet you forced us to leave,
to go out of Lenapehoking, our home,
where my family used to fish,
and go west to a place we've never been,
to accommodate your lust to live
in what was one our home.
We used to only move with the season,
and now we move when you will.

Comments

[keppiehed.livejournal.com]

I can see a few minor errors in punctuation that I am sure are a result of being so rushed (we've all been there!), yet this is a good concept that fits with the prompt! Don't beat yourself up in your author's notes so much! I am just glad to see you writing. Thanks for sharing your poetry with us.

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there are some errors. Ah, well. You're welcome! :) Thank you!

[sandwindsky.livejournal.com]

Hey, it was a really tough prompt this week. This was an interesting poem, which despite being short was evocative of the nomadic sense.

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! Glad you thought it fit!

[osoreranai.livejournal.com]

This totally reminds me of my Native American lit class. I think it hit the prompt square on the head.

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! Oh, a Native American lit class, that sounds fun.

[alphien.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed your use of enjambment, and the narrator's tone was very strong. Excellent!

Good luck in the polls!

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! :)

[belluminabyssus.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed the concept of this -- it was short but sweet. I wasn't entirely sure about the title; it was a little awkwardly worded, and I would have preferred it to be more elegantly phrased to reflect the elegance of the poem itself. Good luck in the polls!

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I wasn't sure about the title, but it fit, so...

[leticiae.livejournal.com]

I'm intrigued by the possible backstory of this poem. It fits the prompt well because a nomad's future is uncertain, while the past is all there is. You capture that idea well.

This could be part of a series, it has such possibilities.

Good luck!

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! :) Glad you think it could be part of series!

dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[bardiphouka.livejournal.com]

Yes this is the place.

Actually I love the title. It sums up one of the big issues of First Nation groups perfectly without being strident. As Keppie mentions, there are a few punctuation errors,but that is an easy issue.

But yet you forced us to leave,

Something about that line bothers me and I am not sure how it could be fixed. Why does it bother me? I think 'you' needs more emphasis. and instead of us perhaps working in the actual First Nation Lenape that you are writing about.

A real picky thing. Lenapehoking. There are a number of different names for the area. This is actually the most modern that I know of.

The last two lines are arguably among the most powerful that I have seen you write so far. It is sad that this group is actually fighting other nations these days more than the Europeans.

Love to see it edited at some point. And good luck with the competition.

Re: dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! :) I shall think about that line.

[alethessa.livejournal.com]

I like this, the mentioning of the roundabout logic of the people to whom the poem is addressed.

The last line... I'm not sure if you intended it this way, but there's a bit of a double meaning that I can see in it that seems pretty interesting. It's the "we move when you want us to" versus the "we'll move back home when you get out of our way" that struck me (as much as I'm not sure how it really works there). Oh well, first read gives first impressions, hmm?

I also think that it's good that it doesn't necessarily flow so much as bob up and down on the waves. It fits the prompt nicely.

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! Oh, 'bob up and down', nice metaphor! :)

[silverflight8.livejournal.com]

I like the last two lines the best; they give the poem a remarkable close. Good luck this week!

[eiremauve.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! :)